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desolationjones
As my prayers became more intense and deeper, I had less and less to say. At last I was completely silent. I transformed, which is probably an even greater contradiction to talking; I transformed into someone listening. At first, I thought to pray was to talk. But I learned that to pray is not just to be silent, but to listen. It is like this: To pray does not mean to listen to oneself talking. To pray is to become silent, and be silent and wait, until the one who prays can hear God.
     -- Søren Kierkegaard

It is difficult for a person who is too materially affected to understand the personal nature of the Supreme Absolute Truth. [...] Consequently, they consider the Supreme to be impersonal. And because they are too materially absorbed, the conception of retaining their personality after liberation from matter frightens them. When they are informed that spiritual life is also individual and personal, they become afraid of becoming persons again, and so they naturally perfer a kind of merging into the impersonal void.
     -- Srila Prabhupada, Bhagavad-Gita As It Is (4.10, purport)

God is the exalted father, and the longing for the father is the root of all religion.
     -- Sigmund Freud

[Bhishma] is saying that both theistic and non-theistic can lead to salvation; the critical consideration is the sincerity with which they are practiced—and that they are pursued with an ardent desire to attain the Supreme. So whether we are talking of [...] Buddhism, or [...] Vaishnavism, we can see that the wise Bhishma counsels that we should have respect for all such paths to Truth—for each leads, in good time, to the Supreme destination.
     -- Steven J. Rosen, From Nothingness to Personhood: A Collection of Essays on Buddhism from a Vaishnava-Hindu Perspective

If I saw no signs of a divinity, I would fix myself in denial. If I saw everywhere the marks of a Creator, I would repose peacefully in faith. But seeing too much to deny Him, and too little to assure me, I am in a pitiful state, and I would wish a hundred times that if a God sustains nature it would reveal Him without ambiguity.
     -- Blaise Pascal, Pensées

In summary, our species' awareness of inevitable death placed such a strong pressure on our cerebral (cognitive) evolutions that at some point during the latter stages of hominid evolution, nature selected those lineages which posessed a built-in predisposition to believe in or perceive an alternate reality, one that supersedes the limitations of this finite physical realm which can only offer us pain, suffering, and ultimately death. And so, a new reality was born in man, one which compelled our species to believe itself transcendent, to imagine that we are more, perhaps, than we actually are.
     -- Matthew Alper, The 'God' Part of the Brain


Read more, and please, I'd appreciate input. )

aroo

  • Aug. 22nd, 2009 at 5:02 PM
werewolvesarecool
Although it's been something I've been into for more years than I care to remember, I haven't really looked into werewolfy stuff in any great detail for some time -- with the exception of the RPG Werewolf: The Forsaken, I suppose. However, there's been a few items of related news recently, and I also delved into Amazon for a number of books on the subject, so I figured I'd talk about that here.

On the gaming front, I've got a few more supplements for Forsaken, and it really is an excellent game. I'd be happy to either run or play it at some point, so hopefully I'll get the chance. More to the point, though, I managed to track down a second-hand copy of its old World of Darkness counterpart, Werewolf: The Apocalypse; while I already had the second and revised editions of the game, along with maybe 80% or more of the supplements, I'd wanted a copy of the first edition for a while but never got around to doing anything about it, and now I finally have one - it dates from way back in 1991. (I'd also like the revised live-action rules, the Laws of the Wild, but the newer edition of that is still pretty expensive, even second-hand; I guess it's one of the rarer ones to come by.) As I've mentioned previously, I'm hoping to get hold of some more of the old Werewolf supplements, either through PDF or buying off friends.

The other gaming news that probably everyone has heard by now is that the werewolf-like Worgen as playable characters in World of Warcraft has been confirmed, as posted by everyone in the world ever. I used to play World of Warcraft a long time ago, and I quit just before Burning Crusade came out; apparently there's been a ton of improvements, and with this new expansion it looks to be even better -- so I'm finding myself tempted to try it again, although the outlay for the game and all three expansions will likely be steep. That being said, I mean holy crap you can play a werewolf for god's sake. That's enough of an incentive for me at least. There's also a few nice Worgen pictures in the concept art for Cataclysm, which is well worth checking out - though the Werewolf News post has all the Worgen concept art at a substantially higher resolution than the official site, for whatever reason. No word as of yet when the expansion's going to drop, though. (On the subject of art, check out this piece from Jerad Marantz - Creature Spot is a pretty neat art blog as a whole, too.)

Someone posted a link to this (werewolf cupcake! so cute!), and as a result I ended up searching Flickr for photos tagged "werewolf". In amongst all the Twilight related crap, there were a bunch of shots of this rather tasty fellow (sfw, pretty much) which made wading through all the other stuff almost worth it. For moving pictures, although the release date is slipping constantly, Werewolf News again comes up with the goods in the form of the Official Wolfman Trailer, which looks fucking awesome. I've got a few new werewolf movies to keep me occupied in the meantime, though; the first two, Big Bad Wolf and Wild Country, I got based on recommendations, and War Wolves just looked pretty entertaining for a low price - reviews aren't great, to say the least, but even cheesy werewolf flicks can be fun.

In terms of books, I've ordered quite a range (though I'm still waiting on a couple to arrive). Obviously at first I went for the 'classics': Sabine Baring-Gould's 1865 Book of Werewolves, Elliot O'Donnell's Werwolves from 1912, and Montague Summers' 1933 classic, The Werewolf. As for more recent works, a long time ago an ex-partner got me Brad Steiger's rather unimpressive Werewolf Book; more interesting among modern works are Adam Douglas' The Beast Within (which the aforementioned ex had a copy of, but wouldn't give or sell it to me), Leonard R. N. Ashley's Complete Book of Werewolves, and perhaps most interesting of all is The Curse of the Werewolf by Chantal Bourgault du Coudray.

While all of the above are (broadly speaking) non-fiction, I did come across a couple of novels as well. I got one by Russian author Victor Pelevin (described by the Independent as the "Zen Buddhist Will Self of the former Evil Empire"), with the irresistable title of The Sacred Book of the Werewolf, and one that I'm sure I had recommended to me but I can't for the life of me think of where I heard about it, Lonely Werewolf Girl by Martin Millar. [edit: completely forgot to link to Lycanthrope Library, a kind of werewolf book review service; one recent entry memorably features a "gun-toting, lycanthropic nun".] I've also had some enjoyable graphic novels on the same subject; I picked up the recent miniseries of Werewolf by Night, with the titular character being an anti-hero at best; I must say I preferred The Astounding Wolf-Man, in which the character uses his abilities for good, a rarity in werewolf stories. The artwork's awesome too; Jason Howard posts some of his work over on deviantART.

It's also worth mentioning that I have a couple of books on Real Actual Wolves that I've got hold of via friends; I have Barry Lopez' seminal Of Wolves and Men, along with The Wolf Almanac by Robert H. Busch, apparently one of the best available on the subject. Finally, I -- perhaps unwisely, from my bank account's point of view at least -- searched eBay for 'werewolf', and found all sorts of interesting things. All I bought, though, was something that immediately caught my eye -- a pair of Tibetan silver (were)wolf head charms, as pictured. The price was low, and as I had a spare silver chain lying around, I've decided to give the other charm to [info]torque_tiger as a little gift.

songs of faith & devotion

  • Aug. 13th, 2009 at 8:39 PM
buddha
Don't try to use what you learn from Buddhism to be a Buddhist; use it to be a better whatever-you-already-are.
     -- The Dalai Lama

When you know for yourselves These teachings are beneficial, these teachings are without fault, these teachings would be accepted by the wise, these teachings, when fully taken up, lead to well-being, to ease, you should live embracing those teachings.
     -- The Buddha, Kesamutti Sutta

While Param-Atman is never in doubt, the individual always lives in doubt. Because of this he is always wanting miracles to happen in order to establish his faith. But even if a miracle does happen and his faith is established once, that faith is shaken again and again by subsequent doubts, and he wants fresh and repeated miracles to re-establish it. He fails to realise that he is constantly living in the midst of the most wonderful miracle, the world itself.
     -- Shantanand Saraswati, Good Company

Though each washes equally as water, a well is not a pond, a pond is not a stream or a river, nor is a valley stream or a ditch a sea. As the Tathagata, the world's hero, is free in the Law, all the laws preached by him are also like this. Though preaching at the beginning, in the middle, and at the end all alike effectively wash off the delusions of living beings, the beginning is not the middle, and the middle is not the end. Preaching at the beginning, in the middle, and at the end are the same in expression but different from one another in meaning.
     -- The Buddha, The Sutra of Innumerable Meanings

I do dimly perceive that whilst everything around me is ever changing and ever dying, there is underlying all that change a living power that is changeless, that holds all together, that creates, dissolves, and recreates. This informing power or spirit is God.
     -- Mahatma Gandhi, Pathway to God


Further musings. (Includes 2 SFW videos) )

To conclude, I'm barely much further in my thinking than I was before; I still consider myself a Buddhist, for whatever that's worth, although not everything makes sense to me at this point. I think ultimately that following the kind of practices that I do -- which, essentially, boil down to trying to be a good person -- can, at worst, do no harm; similarly, associating with others, be they Buddhist, Hindu, some other religion, or none, can (hopefully) only be of help to all parties. I hope by trying to explain these things to other people, whether that's by making posts like this, talking to people online or in person, or giving them books, that I do some good; I think more knowledge is always a good thing. In that spirit, I'd like to end with a few links which may be of interest both generally and for specific people. (My apologies to [info]aerowolf, who was moving when I compiled this list, and thus I have no specific link for centres in his locality.)

om

Nitai, ISKCON monk, giving a teaching from the Bhagavad-Gita


There are many Indian religious systems that involve strong devotion to the guru, and there are many adherents who totally dedicate their lives to spiritual practice. They are impressive. Mindful of the impermanence of this life, they put great effort into religious devotion. But only Buddhism sees the very apprehension of self to be faulty, and instead puts forth a view of selflessness.

     -- His Holiness the XIVth Dalai Lama, Becoming Enlightened


The Wednesday before last proved to be an interesting day. )

"See? Aren’t smiling werewolves pretty?"

  • Apr. 6th, 2009 at 1:39 PM
werewolvesarecool
Werewolves are lame.

Well, at least that was my logic.

I hate the damn things. I figure they're these hokey old holdovers from another age where we actually used to find such cartoony monsters scary. They've seeped into popular culture now. You'll be more likely to find them in romantic comedies and kid's cartoons. They've been neutered, so to speak. And let's face it, they were always the poor second cousin to the vampire.

So I was asked to adapt a screenplay into sequential art, dealing with werewolves, no doubt to help sell it as a movie... and I declined. I just didn't want to go there. Visually I'm just not into them, and couldn't see myself gettng enthused at all. All I could think of was Teen Wolf.

Then I got a letter from the Colorado department of corrections or some such, explaining to my publisher that another of my books [...] had been banned from their fine institutions [...]

But I got thinking. Prison, eh? I'd been watching a lot of prison documentaries at the time anyway and wow, there are some messed up people in some messed up places... and something clicked.

After that, this thing sort of wrote itself to a degree. I sincerely hope you like it and want to desperately thank you for picking this here graphic novel up in the first place.

Whatever you do, just don't drop the soap.


     -- Ben Templesmith, preface to Welcome to Hoxford

Needless to say... )

Finally, to inject a touch of humour, the last line of dialogue in this trailer for the godawful-looking Lesbian Vampire Killers ("Like an episode of 'Goosebumps' but with two swearing cretins") is... interesting... at least. And probably the only interesting thing about the film.

[edit: Thanks to Mr. Templesmith for linking here on his Twitter, and hi to anyone who came here via there... most unexpected.]

karma and 2 by 2 matrices

  • Feb. 26th, 2009 at 2:09 PM
shanti
The Dalai Lama [...] states that one may practice the dharma by following the teachings and practices of non-Buddhist traditions such as Christianity, Islam, Judaism, or Hinduism. [...] In this sentiment he hearkens back to the historical Buddha, Śākyamuni. [...] As he was about to die, the Buddha was questioned by some of his students, who were concerned that after the master's death people might begin propounding doctrines that had not been spoken by the Buddha himself and that these people might tell others that their doctrines were the actual words of the Buddha. In reply, the Buddha told them, "Whatever is well-spoken is the word of the Buddha." In other words, if a particular teaching results in greater peace, compassion, and happiness, and if it leads to a lessening of negative emotions, then it can safely be adopted and practiced as dharma, no matter who originally propounded it.

     -- John Powers, Introduction to Tibetan Buddhism


God creates our bodies, God bestows our nature. Inside and outside are both from God; how dare we derange them? We are within God, God is in our hearts; if we see the universe and emulate its purity, this is not different from the Great Way. If we have even a little selfish intent, we experience penalties that are not trivial.
The physical body is God-given nature; if you act in accord with God-given nature, you will spontaneously be free of the burden of human desires. Daily tasks are norms; act in obedience to the laws of God and there will be no mistaken excesses.


     -- The Cultivation of Realization, trans. Thomas Cleary (in Taoist Meditation)


[T]he Hare Krishna mantra is not sectarian. Because we are chanting these three names -- Hare, Krishna and Rāma -- someone may think, "These are Hindu names. Why should we chant these Hindu names?" There are some sectarian people who may think like that. But Lord Caitanya says, "It doesn't matter. If you have some other bona fide name of God, you can chant that. But chant God's name." That is the instruction of this Krishna consciousness movement. So do not think that this movement is trying to convert you from Christian to Hindu. Remain a Christian, a Jew, a Muslim. It doesn't matter. But if you really want to perfect your life, then try to develop your dormant love for God. That is the perfection of life.
[...]
You may profess any religion, but to test whether your religion is perfect or whether you are perfect, you have to see whether you have developed your love for God. Now we are distributing our love among so many things. But when all this love is concentrated simply on God, that is the perfection of love.


     -- A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, talk given at Northeastern University, Boston, Summer 1969 (as reproduced in The Journey of Self-Discovery)



So I've been thinking. )

Addendum: [info]aerowolf posted a response to my entry (which you may or may not be able to seehe has now made public) instead of a comment. He made many good points, but also made me realise I hadn't been completely clear in a couple of places.

This probably merits another lj-cut. )

let my lustrous coat fill in

  • Dec. 17th, 2008 at 2:54 PM
zan
Well, I haven't written here in a while. First thing to note is that I'm going away to my mum's for Xmas/New Year tomorrow, and so for that period I'll be online substantially less often; on the other hand, I'll be spending time with my family (including Neil's mum and my grandparents), and I should hopefully also get to see [info]massivesustain and [info]shirosirius.

With that out of the way... )

Finally, I'd been considering getting a new music game after Xmas, but with GH: World Tour, Rock Band and RB2 all having different instruments with them, I wasn't sure whether I'd end up having to buy several peripherals if I wanted to play more than one game. Fortunately, someone (can't remember who, sorry!) linked me to Joystiq's Instrument Compatibility Matrix. Having tried at least 3 different guitar controllers on the 360, I think the best choice would be to get GH: World Tour with the guitar, and pick up both Rock Band titles on their own. [edit: I think I'll just get RB2, as apparently -- thanks Toroka -- if you want the songs from the original Rock Band, it costs 400 XBL points and 1.7gb of space to copy them for use in RB2. Any downloaded songs for either game work with RB2, though, so it's not like I'd be losing out on very much -- plus RB2 has more songs on the disc and better options anyway.]

That's about all the news I have, really. Though a lot of my focus lately has been on games, I've still been keeping up with reading Buddhist books (I got some last week, and I'm still trying to sort everything out with Wisdom so I can get the lost shipment replaced and delivered to my mum's) and various other interests. The only other thing I need to do today is pick up a repeat prescription from the doc's, to ensure I have enough meds to cover me for however long I'm away.

I pull the black from the gray

  • Dec. 1st, 2008 at 11:45 PM
ulthwe
It's my first public post in a little over a week -- twitter nonwithstanding, and autoposting that still isn't working -- and I wanted to talk about the weekend just gone, which was particularly good, especially the Sunday.

Saturday wasn't bad either, but not much happened. )

In the next few days, I need to work on the final project for my photography course; I've selected the 10 images I want to use, but I still have three questions to answer at ~200 words each, and it needs to be in before next Monday. I've also some work to do on my arts course before Monday evening, but that's less pressing. Ideally before I go out tomorrow, the books from Wisdom will be delivered, and I'll have time to burn a DVD for [info]lord_kook, as he's going to do some mixing and possibly other work on my album CityZen when he has time.

965 / 6175

  • Nov. 20th, 2008 at 1:58 PM
glasses
So, it's been a while since I last wrote, and I've got a few things to put up here. Unfortunately I've been feeling pretty down for the most part, though things have been better the last couple of days. Anyway, the first thing to mention is some good news: I scored 80% on the test on my photography course, which was a higher mark than I expected. I'm also doing quite well on the arts course, and had a tutorial by phone on Wednesday of last week; this was very helpful, and although it may be tricky to find time to do the work I need to do before the next tutorial on Monday, I'm more confident about the course as a whole. We also discussed the possibility of aiming for a diploma or a degree, and I think the former is certainly attainable; I need to either look online for a qualification to aim for or call up to get the Arts and Humanities Prospectus.

There's some more good things to say as well. )

Finally, there's still the idea of going to Manchester at the weekend with [info]gothicwhitewolf; however, for various reasons I won't go into (though not least among them, being behind with uni work) I'm not 100% sure if I'm going to be able to go. The plan is for him to come here tomorrow evening and we'll stay in Sheffield overnight, and then go to Manchester earlyish on the Saturday, staying the night and returning on Sunday. I'm perfectly happy to spend time with him tomorrow, but it's the Saturday that I have some problems with. I'll talk it out and see if some solution can be reached, but I may end up just coming back home; he was going to go anyway, and stay the night, so it shouldn't be a great loss if I don't make it.

This evening the plan has suddenly transpired is to go see [info]kitsunefury for a while. We're meeting in town and going back to his place -- I've not been before -- for however long. I really need to get back here tonight rather than staying over as I've quite a few things to do. For now I should get something to eat and take a shower, then maybe make a start on uni work.

when heaven is remembered but never seen

  • Nov. 10th, 2008 at 12:58 AM
wolf link
So, this has been a pretty awesome weekend. I've got a lot done, and I'm feeling generally in a positive frame of mind. Hopefully things will continue in this vein; for now at least, I figured I'd make a record of what's been going on.

I guess it starts with Friday night. )

Overall, it's been a very good weekend. Although at the moment I'm far from depressed, my stepdad sent me a link to a very good article by Clare Allan, on the Guardian site: One of the very worst features of depression is the impossibility of communicating the reality you are in to anyone outside it.

I've taken out a paid membership for 3 months for my DeviantArt account, as well as having put a couple more pictures up there. Hopefully it'll be worthwhile; it's good karma if nothing else. Along similar lines, I wanted to give a regular small donation to Soma FM as I listen so often, but there's a bit of trouble with PayPal at the moment (it's set up with my mum's card, and we can't remember the password) so I've not been able to do that as of yet. I did a little more work on the computer though -- freed up a load of space by deleting crap I never use, and installed all the old Fallout games to have another play through.

Also, I've been meaning to update my profile, since they changed the layout, but I haven't found time for that yet. I'll make a note when it's changed; for now I should get something to eat and go to sleep.

cities that you drive me through

  • Nov. 6th, 2008 at 5:42 PM
stargazing
[continued from here]

The second theme of my time away (as well as the creativity mentioned in my last post) was the media I acquired while I was there. I explored two main interests of mine, which carried throughout the different things.

Two main themes )

Finally, but by no means least, I managed to pick up Fallout 3 at a very reasonable price while I was away, and I've been playing it a fair bit. "Oblivion with guns" has been a comparison that's been made, as it's by the same developer and shares some superficial similarities, but if anything it's "Morrowind with guns" -- those who have played both extensively will know the difference.

In fairness, both comparisons do a disservice to a game that stands up to its heritage but also has its own identity and style. It's a lot more of an intense experience than many other role-playing games, and I've not been able to play it for very long in one sitting because of that. And, with the 50's-meets-scifi stylings, it knocks BioShock into a cocked hat, which I thought was overhyped and overrated in the first place.

floating in the night sky

  • Oct. 12th, 2008 at 12:34 AM
moonlit
At the risk of sounding a touch schizophrenic, the situation since my last post has vastly improved. On Thursday, I was still feeling bad and decided to have an early night; for whatever reason I decided I'd select another book to read, and picked out volume four of Thomas Cleary's Classics of Buddhism and Zen, a series of compiled translations. I started reading the first text in the book, Transmission of Light (Denkoroku) and I was somehow able to focus on it with great clarity, and it seemed quite profound. After having read several chapters, I went to sleep peacefully.

The next day went well. )

There's a couple of minor downsides though. I had a couple of great photo opportunities while I was out, but unfortunately the only camera I had with me was out of juice, and I didn't have enough batteries on me to replace them. I'm also a bit annoyed at myself for not getting DS puzzle game Professor Layton and the Curious Village (or at least asking them to hold onto it for me) when I saw a cheap preowned copy of it; by the time I phoned this morning, it'd already been sold. I also seem to have totally mislaid the rest of the huge pack of AAA batteries I bought, so there's no more power for my small camera or mp3 player until I have opportunity to get some more next week, or they turn up somehow.

I also managed to sleep forever today (well, was up earlyish, then somehow managed to nap from about 2:30 to 7:30) and my back's rather sore -- possibly as I've not gotten around to doing any yoga in a while, due to not feeling good. Hopefully I'll continue to feel better and get more done over the next few days; I'm really looking forward to the end of next week and visiting my folks again, as I could do with a bit of a break. For now though, sleep.

pray to an omnipresent ghost

  • Sep. 3rd, 2008 at 8:21 PM
navi
I got caught in sudden heavy rain yesterday after picking up my week's benefits, and I wasn't dressed for it at all, so I decided to catch a tram to go either back home, or to the mall. I decided on the latter.

I tried to focus more on my health and spiritual side. )

I have some other things to write on the subject of spirituality, but that'll be a restricted post for another time. In the meantime, I've been occupying myself with (among other things) weird anime series Noein, two-player co-op on Too Human with Toroka, and writing music, which I'll post soon. I'm also planning to take more photos and do more artwork soon, and I'm looking for a service where I can post images from my phone straight to the web, like Twitter does for text.

Overall things are reasonably good; I just feel a bit like I'm waiting for something to happen, especially with regard to the courses starting in a few weeks.

moving on

  • Aug. 6th, 2008 at 12:02 AM
glasses
This is, after over four weeks, my last day staying with my folks; nearly everything is packed ready for me to head home tomorrow afternoon. I've almost entirely enjoyed my time here, and although I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to -- though I'm very happily back in touch with [info]massivesustain -- or do quite as much as I would have liked, it's been a good trip. I'm ready to go back, though.

The short version of events is to say that the fighting between my mum and stepdad has stopped entirely and been resolved, with quite a bit of help from me, and so I can leave without too much worry in my heart. On the other hand, I've confirmed that the microphone on my mobile is broken, so I can't talk on it and will need a new one soon. Still, I have Skype, so voicechat is still possible (when I'm online, at least) in the interim.

The longer version... )

There's not much else to tell, really. I'm still waiting to hear back about the Introduction to Computer Music Production course I want to do, and I have a few prospectuses to look through back home (as well as other stuff, like DS games and hopefully no bills). With luck, I'll soon be back in education and in the rest of the time I can engage in the hobbies that interest me, and hopefully get back into the habit of regular Buddhist practice and meditation again.

isolation years

  • Aug. 3rd, 2008 at 11:34 PM
werewolvesarecool
It's looking like my stay with my mum and stepdad is finally drawing to a close, and at present, I'm planning to go home on Tuesday. Unfortunately, they're fighting at the moment (I won't go into details, but it's really Not Good) and so I've been hiding in my room pretty much all weekend. With luck, though, things will have got better before I leave for home.

That being said, I had a good time with my stepdad last Tuesday. )

There's a couple more things to add. Games-wise, and especially with the DS, I often play things for just a little while before deciding I want to keep or get rid of them, and with a lot of titles, especially RPG's, you can't make a judgement quickly. To this end, I've spent the last couple of days playing all the DS games I have here, and I'm pleased to find I've chosen well.

Next, although I've talked about books already, there's a couple more to mention. I decided to further my interest in wolves by getting a further two novels: Wolf Brother by Michelle Paver, the first in the Chronicles of Ancient Darkness series, and Promise of the Wolves by Dorothy Hearst, first of the Wolf Chronicles trilogy. I can't find any info about her or the book on Wikipedia, so I'm guessing it's a first novel -- it did, however, lead me to find rather interesting articles -- I suspect [info]footpad may well want to check them out -- about wolves in fiction and werewolf fiction.

Finally there are two technical issues. First, it seems that my phone is damaged or something, as in a few calls I've been unable to be heard. I haven't tested this extensively but it seems like I need a new one. Secondly, I see no point in renewing the domain name for my old site loopback:reconnect, having done nothing with it in about four years, so some really old links and images may be broken.

In a way, I'm looking forward to going back home. I want to escape the bad stuff that's happening right now -- though maybe that'll be gone tomorrow -- but I also have things waiting for me, and I can hopefully sort out something positive for my future.

things are getting better

  • Jul. 27th, 2008 at 12:51 AM
angelheart
So, things are looking up. For the past several days I've been trying to foster a more optimistic attitude than usual, and it seems to have paid off. I've been thinking a lot, and I've also done a few things too. )

At the recommendation of m'dear [info]filterchild, I downloaded Renoise, a multi-platform piece of music software, and I'm considering buying it as it's only €50 and it seems really good. It runs reasonably well on the notebook, and the license lets you use as many different versions of it as you like, so I could install it on a Windows machine too, as long as I was the sole user. I got a pretty sweet pair of DJ/monitor headphones, too; I don't mind using the little earbud ones for my mp3 player or whatever, but the ones I had for serious use broke. (Also got some music by Super Furry Animals and The Stranglers, for a bit of variety.) On the level of appearance, I found the time to re-dye my hair, and it's a much better colour now, if somewhat darker than usual. My folks bought me a really awesome pair of durable sandals. And I still love my keffiyeh.

I've also been considering taking up a course again, and one thing I have in mind is to go down to Red Tape Studios back home and see if I can try again at the music training course I attempted (and failed) last year. It occured to me that if I went for the Thursday afternoon class (assuming they run it on the same days again), I could avoid the rush-hour trams and go down to Games Workshop after class and get some gaming in, then come back after that when the trams would be quieter.

Other than that, I'll take a look at what the Open University are offering, as well as investigating Sheffield Hallam and Sheffield U; I've just now requested a prospectus from each.

[edit: Totally forgot to mention, we've been looking into the details of our planned holiday in Amsterdam at the start of September over the last few days. There's some really nice apartments and there's a lot we want to do, so hopefully it'll be a good trip -- I'm certainly looking forward to it.]
[edit2: I've done some photography while I've been here too, so if any of that turns out well, I'll post it here when I get back home -- I don't have the cable with me to connect the camera to a computer.]

english summer rain

  • Jul. 13th, 2008 at 1:45 AM
host
So, after a week or so at my mum's, I figured it was time to write. The journey here was easy, and I managed to pick up the latest issue of Wired en route; although I've been unable to subscribe (only one place near me ever seems to get it in, and it's inconvenient to go there; no website seemed to have it) I found that Wired UK will be relaunching next year, so that could well be interesting.

While I've been here... )

Plans for the rest of my stay -- which is going to be at least another 10 days -- include going to the Royal Armouries to see an exhibition of movie arms and armour, and a bit of shopping to hopefully get a mod for my DS letting me play homebrew software and emulators etc. For the most part I'm planning just to take it easy, see friends if I can, and try and enjoy myself.

[edit: changed my journal style -- hit up electricdog.livejournal.com to see]

[edit2: I am troubled by this error message: (drivel:5139): Drivel-WARNING **: Throbber animation not found]

924/6003

  • Jul. 4th, 2008 at 12:38 AM
ghost
I try and avoid rambling about games too much (perhaps with limited success), but the new Alone in the Dark is, for me, a very pleasant surprise. I was expecting very little of it, having seen next to no coverage and feeling even more dubious when there were no reviews until a few days after release, yet it's quite possibly my favourite survival-horror game since Silent Hill 2 (which was nearly 7 years ago, improbably). I'm going to write a review of it when I finish it -- and I will finish it, unlike so many others -- but I'd certainly recommend it if you can put up with some control awkwardness (but since when has there been a survival-horror with a smooth control scheme?) and the occasional frustrating sequence.

With that out of the way, today was pretty good. )

The general point that I'm getting at with all this is twofold: first, as has been remarked upon by a few folks, it's finally starting to seem like the future, as promised to us in sci-fi and especially cyberpunk in the mid- to late-80's and early-90's, is here. This is as self-evident -- I mean, I just bought an entire computer that's smaller than the screen of the monitor on my desktop -- as it is fucking awesome. Which means that the future of the future will be even more awesome.

The other part of what I'm getting at is a little bit more difficult to explain. I'm still a fluctuating percentage of certain that I'm Buddhist, but even so, I don't think that withdrawing from all things of the world is either practical in the modern-day context, or even something that would particularly benefit people. That's why I've been interested in documentaries on the natural world and books on what I suppose comes under contemporary sociology.

I think this is technically Engaged Buddhism, though at present what I'm doing is more a process of learning than taking any action as of yet. I'd prefer to be in a position to make a well-informed decision that's somewhat planned, though, than to just go after whatever cause seems appropriate at the time. I tend to think more than act, anyway, though I'd like to be able to make some kind of change for the better, even if it's only something minor.

Tomorrow I have to go to the doctor's to get a new prescription; I can't just get a repeat this time, as I have to see the doc periodically to confirm the meds are still right. That being said, I can't get them changed any time soon, for various reasons, so it's all a little pointless.

On Saturday, as I said, I have my ticket booked to go and stay with my mum and stepdad for a while. I should be in Leeds for about 2 1/2 weeks, picking up the stuff I've ordered while I'm there and hopefully seeing a few friends. It'll be nice to see my folks again and find out how their trip to Amsterdam went, and I could do with a break anyhow.

living in a world of quicksand

  • May. 16th, 2008 at 7:37 PM
ouroboros
First off, a little bookkeeping: Thanks to everyone who helped me out while I was feeling bad; to S. A. Hunter, a new friend who has been unfailingly lovely; and to my ex, for getting back in touch and being entirely amiable. Very much appreciated, y'all.

Also, I updated my LJ Profile, which is slightly less of a mess now, and also includes a couple more sites. I've only done anything with Pownce and Tumblr so far, but there will some music-related stuff on my currently-empty Project Playlist and Muxtape accounts in the near-ish future.

On with ACTUAL CONTENT. )

Overall, things are just on the good side of average lately. I haven't really been sleeping too well, and I've had some trouble with money, but asides a few instances my mood's been manageable, and I've reasonably enjoyed what I've been doing. Hopefully things will get better, or at least not get worse.

watch the network grow

  • Apr. 10th, 2008 at 2:14 PM
dj2
So, it's been some time since I last wrote, but this is the first day I've been feeling OK for a while; I've been very depressed for reasons I can't fathom, and now today, equally inexplicably, I feel a lot better.

I've been reminded again to contribute to the wolf charities I support, and I'll be doing that probably by the end of the month as my finances are a bit more sorted out now; I should be getting a prepaid credit card soon too, which will make it easier to order stuff online without running up a lot of interest.

Also, I've been using a new browser, Flock, which is free and designed for use with social networking sites, and integrates with them pretty well. It's based on Firefox but fairly modified, and it's pretty easy to add in RSS feeds and suchlike. It's also reminded me to use my Picasa account again, though my webshots gallery is still getting quite a few views.

More )

I wrote a new track a little while ago, but haven't posted it anywhere yet, so I figured I'd put it here.


I'm not entirely happy with the ending on this one, but other than that I think it's pretty good, and it's one step more towards completing Superluminal.

Pretty much the main thing that's helped me through difficult times lately has been the support of friends. I don't want to get overly sentimental and run down a list of everyone, but I wanted to mention [info]tekaril to thank him for his comments on my music, as well as pointing me to a translation of Secret of the Golden Flower and doing an I Ching reading for me.

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